If we are going to be honest about this and you want to hear the truth, then Eric's death still affects me every day of my life. It's because of his death that I realize the affects that suicide can have on friends and family members. Not only were Eric's friends and family affected, but being his best friend, mine were as well. Since then, I've put my closest friends and my family through some rough times simply because I still can't deal with the fact that he is gone. Thankfully, by God's amazing grace and mercy, I have and will always have close friends to help me through the tough times - however some people aren't so fortunate. We must realize that the act of suicide not only affects a number of people in our personal life, but also the many people you don't have direct contact with.
Suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. It is a solution that only the victims see fit at that point in time. In the US alone an average of 88 people a day commits suicide. That is an average of 32,000 people a year. Weather it stems from depression, guilt, desperation, shame, physical pain or anxiety, the fact is there has to be a better way for these people to escape their problems. As for me, in the past four years: I lost Eric to suicide, a friend's brother drowned and another one of my best friends died in a car wreck. The hard days come when I let things build up. I don't always deal with these issues as they come at me nor do I deal with them well. I find that I hold all my feelings back until that one day when the dam breaks and all at once everything comes flooding in my mind until well I simply break down.
Eric was the person that I talked to most about my issues, he was my best friend. And of course you better believe he told me his as well. We've had our share of good times and of bad and memories I'll hang on to forever. After Eric committed suicide, I was blessed to have four really great friends to help me and open up to. Because of them, I am able to wake up every day knowing Eric is looking down and that he is proud of what we have done. Two of those great friends are now board members of LED, thank you Hope and Dan.
If you are going to take anything from this, I hope you understand one thing - suicide is not the answer. The pain you feel now is only temporary but that pain your loved ones will face is going to last forever. You may think that you have no one to talk to but the fact is that somewhere you do and you NEED to talk. Don't be afraid to get help or to reach out to someone, even if that someone is a 911 operator - trust me they will listen.
Eric passed away in February of 2005 on his own terms and still four years later I suffer with the thought of his death. I will never forget him or the friends that stuck by my side through everything. However, I always knew if I didn't have my friends by my side, I still had options and so do you - they are always at your disposal if you need them you just have to reach out.
-Kelly Bush
